A Long December (December 31, 2025)
There were a lot of things that happened in 2025, in the world and in my personal life, that I did not see coming. 2025 was a year of health challenges, including increasing neck pain that worsened whenever I was lying down and led to sleep deprivation. Early in December, an MRI showed a meningioma (a typically benign tumor) pressing against the brain stem. A subsequent MRI showed the tumor encasing one of the two vertebral arteries that supply blood to the brain and spine.
I met with a Hopkins neurosurgeon a few weeks later, and despite the challenging location of the tumor, he was confident that he could perform a brain surgery that would remove most of the tumor and steer clear of the vertebral artery and brain stem. He explained that he would remove “the core of the orange,” leaving only the “peel,” which would collapse in on itself once the core was gone. He expects that I would be in the hospital for 2-3 days and out of work for approximately 4-6 weeks, depending on how things go with recovery. Due to the nature and location of the tumor, radiation or less invasive surgeries are not an option, but if the tumor starts to grow back then radiation would be a treatment option at that point. Most meningiomas are benign and slow-growing.
The timeline of the surgery is being finalized but will likely be in late January. I am getting a second opinion next week and will hopefully be able to make a plan after that. It feels strange to step away from my work and volunteer commitments, and as I’ve quickly discovered, there is simply no good time to have brain surgery. It’s hard for me to let go of control and rely on others for help, but sometimes you just have to roll with whatever is going on and be OK with being vulnerable.
A few side notes: I was told by two different orthopedic/sports doctors that it was a waste of time to get an MRI because I had no neurological symptoms. After several months of physical therapy with no progress on the pain, I got my primary care physician to order the MRI. Interestingly, I also had a brain MRI done back in September because I was experiencing mild tinnitus and wondered if I had an acoustic neuroma (another type of benign brain tumor) like my Dad. The report came back as normal, even though we can see now that the tumor is visible in those scans. I share this to say that sometimes you have to be persistent about asking questions and advocating for yourself if you think that something isn't right. I was already familiar with this as a rare disease advocate, and I now have the patient as well as the caregiver perspective.
This was a lot to process, especially after all that has happened in the last 5 years. But I am grateful for access to excellent health care and the support of my family and friends. I am grateful that I could be with my parents and sister’s family over the holidays and spend many hours playing with my young niece and nephew. And I am hopeful for the future. After losing Scott, I went through a period when I wasn’t sure what would give my life the same sense of meaning as before. I was numb to everything going on around me. I’ve come a long way since then and realized that I still have a lot that I want to do in this world.
Before my meningioma diagnosis, my sister asked if I would go with her and my niece to Paris later this year. I wasn’t sure if it would conflict with my work deadlines, but I decided that this needed to happen and that I would make it work. I’ve never made a New Year’s resolution before, but for 2026 my goal is to make it through this surgery, rest and recover, and then start anew. I am hopeful that I’ll be able to travel again before long and wander around Paris with my sister and niece and make new memories. I’ve been thinking of other things that I can look forward to after surgery, and they include taking care of my garden and seeing my roses bloom in the spring, meeting up with friends, and spending time with my wonderful boyfriend who has brought so much love and joy into my life these past 15 months. I tentatively have 3 weeks of my sister, Scott’s parents, and my parents taking shifts to stay at my house and look after me, so I’m looking forward to spending time with them too.
Maybe this year will be better than the last
I can’t remember all the times I tried to tell myself
To hold on to these moments as they pass
- Counting Crows
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